Our mind is apparently taking in over 2 million bits of information at any one time. In order to actually function we have to filter that which is truly important, generally speaking to our survival. Otherwise we would be overwhelmed with information, the bulk of which would be irrelevant to our daily lives.
Have you ever noticed that as soon as you get a new car, you seem to see that car everywhere or how the noise of a mosquito in the room at bedtime can be all consuming to the exclusion of all else. Well these are examples of our filters in action.
So why is this important and what has it got to do with me?
Well, we seem to filter life in relation to the way that we view it. So, if we were to feel that people were only interested in themselves, we would have the tendency to see this happening in the interactions in our lives, even if it were not necessarily the being case.
An example of this might be that a manager feels like an impostor in their job. He or she is complimented by one of their employees but the manager filters this in relation to their viewpoint and distorts the compliment to mean that the employee is merely complimenting them to get a promotion, because it couldn't really be true.
The thing to realise is that our filters are not necessarily true, but they affect our life both for the negative and positive.
When you change your filters you can dramatically shift how you experience life.
So the question I would like to pose to you is...

What are your filters blocking out, that if let in could greatly benefit your life?

Read the question again, relax, take a little bit of time to answer it and observe what comes up.

A little check list of questions to help you see some of your filters are...
• In what way do you mostly view situations in your life?
• Do certain events always seem to happen a certain way?
• What are your family like?
• Who are you to others?
Sometimes it can be a little difficult to know these things as there are things that we just don't know, that we don't know about ourselves.

Ask someone what they think your filters are.

http://www.possibilities-unlimited.co.uk/

Having worked for many years as a young person’s drugs worker in the substance misuse sector, I have had contact with a wide range of social affected issues from a variety of backgrounds. Although the issues of my clients have been diverse one thing remains the same, the methods I use to engage them in a meaningful relationship.
With family values changing as a result of the separation brought about my ease of transport and communication and the fact that young people have more power within society as their rights have been recognised, adults have to find new ways to engage certain groups of young people, who for one reason or another have become disaffected by the society we present them.
When we consider the family who holds strong and appropriate boundaries with good communication skills, we can think of the young people who will respond to the consequences of their behaviours as a result of their upbringing. School has the tendency to uphold these values, which works well for the individuals aforementioned. Conversely, we have a generation of young people who are allowed to ‘get away’ with poor behaviour due partly to the separation within the wider family unit and increase of young people’s rights. Parents, schools and even the local bobby can no longer give children a ‘clip around the ear’ and young people know this. It is the tendency of young people to push the boundaries to see how far they will go, and we now have a culture of young people who have been able to push them further than generations have been able to before.
I go into schools regularly and I am surprised at how many pupils I hear swearing at teachers, something that I very rarely heard when I was at school, and that wasn’t even very long ago. I see parents, who say there is nothing they can do to stop their children from staying out all night and using drugs.
So, what is it that we can do to engage these young people and support them on a path that will be the most beneficial for them?
Well, you may be happy to know that the answer is actually pretty simple.
Before we even meet the young person we are going to need to adopt an attitude of respect. The rights of young people have changed, and in my estimation, for a good reason. As parents and professionals we need to change to be in accordance with this. I am not suggesting that we respect the individual’s behaviour if it is poor, but we have to respect the person to be able to put in the boundaries. Too often I see teachers using old Victorian methods of demanding respect and shouting at pupils followed by a barrage of expletives in return from the pupil just before they walk out the school gates.
This methodology is separating young people from main stream society and causing exclusion from school and the resultant affect of young people not being able to achieve their full potential.
One needs to have the respect of the young person before one is able to challenge them on their behaviour and this can easily be gained by giving it first. Respect is preventative in the sense that we do not want to look stupid, or let the people down who we have respect for.
So aside from giving respect, how else can we gain it?
The two main tools I have in my armoury are humour and permissiveness and these are not to be underestimated. Why challenge with anger when you can challenge with humour?
I engaged one girl, exhibiting some extreme mental health issues, who had been in and out of Psychiatric institutions over the past year.
On our first meeting she told me how she disliked one certain unit because when you spat at the staff, they would spit back at you!
I’m sure this was a test that was designed to shock me but rather than rise to the bait or get angry I responded with a humorous tone that did not condemn the action, but still highlighted the consequences.
The style of permissiveness allows the person to make a mistake, the humour challenges it and the reflecting back of consequences permits the understanding to take place so that behaviour can be modified.
I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for shouting at someone if they are overstepping the boundaries, just that this should be the last resort, generally speaking. If one is to always shout from the first instance then one has little backup if the shouting either does not produce results or produces adverse results. In this way, the person you are responding to will know that it’s serious and really means something because it is not something you usually do.
We have to be careful when using anger as a response so that we are not being used by the anger. By this I mean having the ability to calm down almost immediately after the event. If we are being overrun with our own emotional charges, then how are we going to expect young people, often facing incredibly challenging situations, to be able to manage their own?

http://www.possibilities-unlimited.co.uk/

Having recently purchased a 125cc commuter bike, I have noticed a strange phenomenon occurring.
All of a sudden, I want leather motorcycle clothes, and dramatic looking rubber boots that fit over a tight pair of protective waterproof trousers.
The funny thing is that I have never found the motorcycle gear attractive in any sense and have had an aversion towards that kind of look and all the things it meant me. One such image I have is a bunch of men standing around a bike in their leathers, discussing the intricacies of precision power inlet valves that are all intrinsically a bunch of children playing power games with big boy's toys.
Am I being drawn into this I ask myself? Will that be me? Am I just a motorbike wannabe?
Well reluctantly and honestly, I think I am in a way, but the real question for me is why I am attracted to this now, having had such clearly judgmental views of the motorcycle elite.
I get on my bike with my tattered body armour jacket that I bought for three pounds at a car boot sale, and I'm happy that I've even got a body armour jacket. I begin to fit in and get a sense of status but as a 125cc rider I am all too aware that there will be judgements about me too.
You may well know this camaraderie between certain vehicle drivers, maybe if you have an old Mini, a Beetle, possibly a Morris Minor or Land Rover. Well this is certainly the case of the motorcycle rider with the nod of acknowledgement, a shared knowing and collective experience.
I started off thinking that I'll refrain from nodding my head to anyone as I did not want to face the rejection and humiliation if my clothes weren't good enough or my engine was not worthy of their appreciation.
In a self fulfilling prophecy kind of way, it seemed that no-one nodded me either.
But today was different. I looked at a couple of riders square in the eyes, not looking for anything in particular, nor fearing rejection and they nodded.
A warm feeling washed over me, a sense of approval and bonding. I came to realise that this is what I have really been wanting. It's not really about looking cool because I generally don't think bike gear looks cool, it's the belonging. This sense of belonging, the need for attention and status are all, in my view, necessary, valid and positive aspect of the human psyche that leads us towards emotional stability and good mental health that only begin to present a problem when those needs are not being met.
Now I think of myself as being quite self assured and in my power, although I can see my vulnerability and personal drive to claim that assurance from others. At the same time I think we as humans are social creatures and that it's not surprising that we have drivers which call us into action to connect, network, belong and survive, even if those drivers act through our insecurities.
As I see with many of my clients, insecurities can motivate us towards change.

If you are interested in finding out more about your emotional needs such as belonging, status, attention and much more goto:

http://www.hgi.org.uk/
http://www.possibilities-unlimited.co.uk/